Friday, March 27, 2009
Insomnia sucks, Chronic pain sucks, both together suck rotten eggs
Really, what more does a person have to say?
I am a chronic insomniac, I have been since I was a teen. I get it from my dad. He and I spent many nights together watching horrible movies on USA Up All Night. You know the sort of movie I'm talking about - "Santa Clause vs. The Martians", "The Thing with Two Heads", "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes". The sort of movie that is so embarrassing to admit you watched it that you would rather go to a video store and in a very loud voice ask to see their porn collection than to ask them where they keep the old B movies. But anyway, thats what my dad and I watched because frankly, after midnight 15-20yrs ago there just wasn't anything else on except informercials.
So anyway, thats a bit of my history with insomnia. Had it for a long time and now that USA Up All Night isn't on it really, really sucks.
Fast forwarding to now I have added pain to my insomnia and that sucks even worse. I don't know if it would be considered chronic pain yet because its only really been bad for the past 5-6 months. Before that I would get bouts of back pain but it would go away after a little chiropractic care. This time however, the pain isn't going away so I started seeing a rheumatologist again. (I was diagnosed with Juvenile Onset Rheumatoid Arthritis when I was 14). After x-rays, a CT scan, lots of drugs, and even some narcotics the arthritis is feeling better but the back is not. The back actually feels worse now than before I started seeing this doctor. Because the back isn't getting any better he is not convinced that the back issue has anything to do with my arthritis.
So I am going back to my doctor on Monday and I really hope he has something new for me to try because this is getting old really fast. I can't sleep because of the insomnia, the pain makes the insomnia worse. Not sleeping makes me cranky, adding the pain turns me into a whiney bitch. I can't work because I'm too tired and hurt too much. I feel bitchy so I spend very little time on advertising because I don't want to offend anyone so nothing is selling. If I weren't 90% self employed I'd fire me. Its just a very vicious cycle and I want it to end. Those of you who are my fellow insomniacs or who have been suffering with pain for a long period of time (hell, even a short period of time) you have my deepest sympathies.
Anyway, sorry for the vent. I don't like to whine but every once in a while it has to come out. Otherwise the cycle would get the better of me and instead of being able to be rational about things I would get frustrated and give up art altogether.
Thanks for your patience if you got this far. For those of you who fall asleep easily, pass some of those zzz's my way if you don't mind :)
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boy, do i feel your pain! (no pun intended)... i have been an insomniac ALL my life... i don't think i've had a good night's sleep (naturally) since about 7 years of age... it DOES wear one down
ReplyDeletei can't even IMAGINE adding chronic pain to that! you poor thing! i would be CRAZY!
i hate to hear about all this, but just so you know, i am up most nights... so if you get bored find me online! i'll be more than happy to have company to help pass the time!
<3
Since i hit menopause I have been unable to sleep. But it makes me crazy so I take Ambien. And the chronic pain I can also relate to. I have a deteriorated disc in my lower back that has caused me pain for I can't remember how long. The back of my leg is permanently numb as are the last two toes on my right foot. Weird, huh. So just know that I feel for you. Hope you can get your back issues resolved soon.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I was living with chronic pain for a while, but thankfully they figured out the problem and, after an outpatient surgery, the pain is gone. I hope they are able to figure it out for you as well to give you some relief.
ReplyDeleteWow... so many people with insomnia. I too suffer from insomnia but fortunately I don't have the pain that you have. I went to see a Naturopathic doctor for mine and it really helped. I'll try to send some zzzzz's your way.
ReplyDelete(hug)
ReplyDeleteI won't whine about Dorje getting teeth and not sleeping much,
I will whine about our hot water heater breaking in the $*%* house we have been trying to sell for a YEAR now.
there. misery loves company.
hope you find some relief honey!
I get insomnia too, but my man gets the insomnia with chronic back and leg pain too. So I have some idea how it is for you. I hope they find to give you some relief
ReplyDeleteChronic pain is generally accepted as lasting more than 3 months. So yes, I'd say you have chronic pain.
ReplyDeleteHope you can figure out what's causing it and if not, a medication that will help. In the meantime a good whine at least releases the emotional pressure. Been there, done that..... :}
Cheers,
Laura
Sorry you are dealing with all this at once Heather. Vent whenever you feel the need, hope you get some good news at the doc soon... (hugs)
ReplyDeleteI've had chronic insomnia and migraines and when they hit together, hoo boy. I've tried everything. Pain pills don't make me get to deep sleep, and the migraine meds mess me up. So I do feel your pain!
ReplyDelete